Breaking Down Systems
I packed my suitcase and got on a plane. The rest I figured out later.
Happy Friday. I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just start.
The last time you heard from me was 24 hours before Haute Photographie kicked off. I packed everything up Sunday night — sold an artwork right after closing, came home, packed my suitcase, and left for China the next day for five weeks.
Dear fellow people of the internet: welcome to my rollercoaster.
Even though Haute Photographie was new to me, it also wasn’t. Four exhibitions in exactly one year. Gone from zero to four really fast. I had a beautiful wall, warm gallery support, and my friends around the corner with their work. A nice bubble.
But I didn’t feel the fire. I showed up every day, I wasn’t hiding, but everything felt slowed down. Too familiar. I’d figured out the system.
Manufacturing Culture
Chris and I were in Bali last year, talking about crazy things we wanted to do. He said, “What if we visited a hundred factories in thirty days?” I said yes immediately. No plan yet. He’d spent ten years in China building brands. He wanted to explore the Chinese manufacturing culture further and created something like a guide for young founders, the thing he wished he’d had when he first arrived.
I had one condition: we would make a book. Not content. Something real. Launching Paris Fashion Week, January 2027.
Sunday night, I packed everything. Sold one of the UNFOLDING artworks, closed the door, got on a plane. I didn’t only book a ticket to learn about factories. I booked a ticket to step outside the system I’d already figured out. To extend my boundaries. To do something that would hurt a little. (sidenote: found out while being in China)
China
100 factories in 30 days across China. No script, no plan, just showing up and documenting what manufacturing culture actually looks like. Chris is navigating, and I’m shooting. For five weeks, factories are the spine of it all.
By week three, I missed home. The small things. My bed, my coffee, my language. I never understood why people traveled with cheese or pindakaas until I got to China. Living outdoors, eating outdoors, and ordering takeout every day. At some point, I was just really craving a sandwich I could make myself. Some pindakaas, some bread, nothing fancy. That’s when you know it’s getting to you.
Weird thing is, I grew up as a bit of a spoiled, lost-in-the-world princess. But I didn’t miss a bathtub, luxury restaurants, or expensive wine. I missed my broodje pindakaas (peanut butter sandwich).
I’ve seen toilets that never saw the light of day. Literal holes in the ground. Was I grossed out? Yes. Did I mind? Not really. It came with the mission, so I dealt with it.
Some days, we visited seven factories with migraines. It felt like survival mode. We pushed ourselves too hard, and I didn’t want to admit it. I just wanted to keep moving, keep going.
Then Chris and other friends reminded me to slow down. I was in a small apartment in a country where nothing made sense. And somewhere in that discomfort, something shifted.
I stopped counting days, weeks, and factories. I stopped performing the adventure. I started paying attention to what was actually happening to me. Got out on Sundays. Went for runs at night. Had morning coffee and walks, talked to people at the coffee shop through WeChat and Google Translate. Made small connections with nature, with people, with China.
If it doesn’t hurt, you’re not growing.
Chicken Nugget
I came back home last Wednesday night. It feels unreal to sit here on the sofa with my coffee, Jack, and Freddy. My brain is still fried, like a chicken nugget. I’m still processing everything.
Don’t give me a to-do list or deadlines right now; I will need to step away. I need to work things out on my own time for a few days.
During the trip, I decided not to apply for Hungry Eye Fair in September. It felt too soon, and too much of a financial investment. Instead, I teamed up with Belle on a merch collaboration. Monday, we’re sitting down to figure out an exhibition at the end of the year, something we’re building on our own terms. The first designs are already with one of the manufacturers we found during the 100f30d project. Full circle.
China gave me more perspectives on what’s possible. It slowed me down, and I need that from time to time. I normally need everything by tomorrow. Now it feels more long-term. Like I’m finally making the right choices for my creative journey.
More soon.
With love, always,
A
